THIS week I bring you grave news. There is a terrible threat not only to this fragile planet Earth. but to the entire galaxy.
As you all know, the only protection we have had from legion upon legion of alien menace over the last 20 years has been the great Doctor Who. Recently however It has seemed to me The Doctor has been losing his grip.
The rot began a while ago when the face of Tom Baker faded out and Peter Davison faded in. Now Peter Davison is a good actor, but he is no Doctor Who. The situation was restored somewhat by the appointment of Colin Baker as Guardian or the Universe.
But then I turned on my TV set a few weeks ago and who should l see as the Doctor's new assistant but BONNY LANGFORD!
Bloody, awful. bloody Bonny Langford! like! She walks, talks, dances and sings exactly like a Grargon from the planet Tinturi Nine in the Vimto Nebula (Grargons are small dung bettles that live at the bottom of the Thrargon Swamps).
It is a well-known fact in Outer Space circles that the Grargons are secret agents of the evil Zinged Federation.
So now the good Doctor has a secret agent as his assistant! Then I read at the weekend that Colin Baker's contract may not be renewed—treachery!
We must act swiftly fellow space cadets! The new Doctor should be a committed Marxist who truly understands the social and economic complexities of the Galaxy.
He should be brave, he should he handsome, he should be massively intelligent with a hint of eccentricity which always accompanies genius —in short he should be me!
I plead with the BBC casting department. Honest. I don't need the money, make me Doctor Who before it's too late!
Caption: Bonnie--agent
Spelling correction: Bonnie Langford
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