Eight score eight
- Publication: New Statesman
- Date: 1996-01-19
- Author: Mat Coward
- Page: 9
- Language: English
I've got nothing against Paul McGann--he looks like a psycho, which is certainly the chief requirement for the lead actor in Dr Who, and he seems to understand the crucial point that the Doctor should be more lastingly frightening than any of his monsters; more William Hartnell, say, than Peter Davison. It was disappointing, though, to see him quoted as saying that he'd never found Daleks convincing because "they couldn't run upstairs".
This "Dalek/stairs" cliche has three features typical of its species.
1) It almost certainly began life as part of some young TV comedian's routine, and was subconsciously picked up by every middle-aged, lost-youth-obsessed man in the country.
2) Everyone who uses it thinks they are the first to do so; I've clocked four sightings by fat newspaper columnists in the past six days (sorry, sensitive readers, but they were all fat as it happens. Don't blame me, I'm just the messenger. I'm not their mothers).
And 3) It isn't true. Daleks can, of course, ascend stairs (fictional stairs, at least). When you think about it, you can't conquer the Universe from a basement, can you?
The very best thing about Daleks, though, is that they can take your mind off other, more depressing things. Like Tony Blair developing his "contempt for the people" approach to such a breathtaking degree that he actually boasts about the stakeholding society stuff being "a slogan, not a policy".
Or Arthur Scargill and his bloody Socialist Labour Party. Ah yes, just what this country needs--another socialist party. After all, there must be almost as many active socialists in Britain today as there are socialist parties. If we're not careful, you'll be getting as many as three people turning up to some of the meetings, and we all know where that leads, don't we. Splits, that's where.
I suspect Arthur's real motive in all this is a cunning cosying-up to the capitalist press: he wants to convince them that he's not, in fact, an unreformed Marxist, since obviously no truly scientific socialist would waste his time on a non-mass party at this point in history.
Those of you who have spent years opening almost every conversation with "Say what you like about Arthur, but everything wot he ever said has come true" will now have to change our line to "Say what you like about Arthur, but everything wot he ever said (from the 1970s up until autumn 1995) has come true".
All the same, you can't help having mixed feelings, can you? It may not make political sense, but just suppose Arthur Scargill did win that by-election--you have to admit, it'd have you walking on air for a month, wouldn't it?
Arthur's biggest problem, it seems to me, is going to be dealing with the flood of carpetbagging, chicken-running defectors. I can just imagine the late Chris Patten, for instance, applying for his SLP card on the grounds that, "it's not me that's changed, it's the Conservative Party".
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- APA 6th ed.: Coward, Mat (1996-01-19). Eight score eight. New Statesman p. 9.
- MLA 7th ed.: Coward, Mat. "Eight score eight." New Statesman [add city] 1996-01-19, 9. Print.
- Chicago 15th ed.: Coward, Mat. "Eight score eight." New Statesman, edition, sec., 1996-01-19
- Turabian: Coward, Mat. "Eight score eight." New Statesman, 1996-01-19, section, 9 edition.
- Wikipedia (this article): <ref>{{cite news| title=Eight score eight | url=http://cuttingsarchive.org/index.php/Eight_score_eight | work=New Statesman | pages=9 | date=1996-01-19 | via=Doctor Who Cuttings Archive | accessdate=30 March 2025 }}</ref>
- Wikipedia (this page): <ref>{{cite web | title=Eight score eight | url=http://cuttingsarchive.org/index.php/Eight_score_eight | work=Doctor Who Cuttings Archive | accessdate=30 March 2025}}</ref>
