Doctor Who Cuttings Archive


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2017-02-06 Guardian.jpg


Skrit Skrat

What is it, Steve? What's the problem?

We've got to drain the swamp, Mr President!

I have a problem, Steve

I'm here to help you, my leader! What is your problem

I have this terrible sense of impending disaster! I fear stairs, Steve, I actually fear stairs.

I almost feel like I'm going sane!

I can help you with that, my leader

I know someone who can help you with your fear of stairs, my leader ...

Like ... what? Some kinda counsellor??

No! Noooo!! Counselling is for pussies, faggots and liberals!

No pussies, no faggots, no liberals. This is a tough-talking, universal authority on fear of stairs.

We will be great! We will be great!

Stairs are for faggots, liberals and pussies! We will be great!


Flatten every thing! No need for stairs!! Annihilate! Redecorate!

This guy is the business

Make America great and flat and straight again!!!

Disclaimer: These citations are created on-the-fly using primitive parsing techniques. You should double-check all citations. Send feedback to

  • APA 6th ed.: Bell, Steve (2017-02-06). If.... The Guardian p. 24.
  • MLA 7th ed.: Bell, Steve. "If...." The Guardian [add city] 2017-02-06, 24. Print.
  • Chicago 15th ed.: Bell, Steve. "If...." The Guardian, edition, sec., 2017-02-06
  • Turabian: Bell, Steve. "If...." The Guardian, 2017-02-06, section, 24 edition.
  • Wikipedia (this article): <ref>{{cite news| title=If... | url= | work=The Guardian | pages=24 | date=2017-02-06 | via=Doctor Who Cuttings Archive | accessdate=9 December 2023 }}</ref>
  • Wikipedia (this page): <ref>{{cite web | title=If... | url= | work=Doctor Who Cuttings Archive | accessdate=9 December 2023}}</ref>