Dear Agent M,
Further to my plan to eliminate Doctor Who (Mondays BBC1), here are your new instructions. But before I proceed, let me congratulate you on the success of the initial stages - taking the programme off for long periods, switching the schedules around, etc.
Now, to business ...first, change the music; the viewers always hate that. Second, put it on at a ridiculous time, preferably so that it clashes with a top-rated ITV show. How about 7.30 on a Monday so that it is up against Coronation Street? No, wait a sec. Make it five minutes later so that the mums are already tuned in when it starts...
Should this fail to reach you in time, do the best you can; though doubtless your mere human brain cannot hope to emulate the dastardliness of my infallible scheme. You will be suitably rewarded with countless sitcoms and game-shows...
Yours sincerely
The Master
Kevin R. Boggart
Taunton, Somerset
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