Children in Need (BBC 1, Friday, 7.00pm-2.00am) raises millions of pounds for charity. It provides a lot of harmless pleasure for a lot of people who enjoy dressing up, waving collecting buckets and organising sponsored walks. It is clearly a good thing and I was more than happy to fork out 99p for my 3D spectacles. But as a piece of television it really is appalling, as King Charles might say.
Unlike Comic Relief, which works hard to entertain as well as fundraise, Pudsey Bear and Co are an amateurish shambles that try and get through the night on the strength of sentiment and the occasional celebrity alone. The Dr Who 3-D special was a particularly half-baked non-event. Various Doctors and their assistants (for whom time has clearly not stood still) find themselves on the set of EastEnders and mingle with the locals. Before you can say 'Tardis' Albert Square is overrun by Yetis, Daleks, Cybermen and Quarks. The Queen Vic is packed with hairy, bug-eyed, slimy beasts, so there's not much change there. Finally, gorgeous pouting Kate O'Mara arrives to strut her stuff as the evil Rani, intent on capturing all the Doctors and locking them away forever. (Ironic this given the BBC's refusal to make any more series). It was good fun, but a little more thought and effort wouldn't have gone amiss, and as a tribute to 30 years of Dr Who it was downright insulting. Since I'm being a miserable old killjoy, the 3-D effects weren't up to much either. Pass the fast forward button.
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