The Timelord is our shepherd
- Publication: Time Out London
- Date: 2005-12-21
- Author:
- Page: Time In, p. 4
- Language: English
In this special seasonal episode, the Doctor is by a few friends to discuss Earth's fascination with Christmas television. As recalled by Russell T Davies, the man who regenerated him. Digital imaging by David Angel
THE DOCTOR: Fascinating. The Tardis seems to have opened a time portal into all sorts of strange new worlds. I can hardly believe my newly regenerated eyes. Look at this, Rose! We seem to have stumbled * across a bizarre scientific experiment designed to test the human race to its limits. There's a single, gay male, forced to endure the cruel mockery of his fellow villagers. Two obese women made to wrestle, naked, for the love of an earthling! A Davros-like man who can secretly walk through the power of sheer insolence! And the computer says no! By the Great Goat God of Jaxolin B, I must fight this evil!
ROSE: No, Doctor. Um. That's 'Little Britain' (Christmas Eve, 9.10pm, BBC 1).
THE DOCTOR: But they need my help. They're being threatened by a strange, grinning, living bouffant, as though hair itself RE become sentient a threatens to engulf us all.
ROSE: No, that's 'Little Britain: A South Bank Show Special' (Christmas Day, 11.05pm, ITV 1). I wonder who does Melvyn's hair? Probably the Great Goat God, by the look of it.
CAPTAIN JACK: This is Captain Jack Harkness, surfing across time back to the twenty-first century! And jeez, look at all this classic old 2D TV! This must be the legendary age of golden television, or, as they call it in the history books, Chico Time. I've gotta watch 'Casualty At Holby City' (Christmas Eve, 8pm, BBC1). Apparently they're bumping off Woody. Now that's my kind of euphemism. Then there's %Mon Ramsay's Christmas F Word' (Wednesday 21,9pm, CO, give me that F, you craggy-chinned hunk. And how about this, 'Digging For Jesus' (Tuesday 27, 11.15pm, ITV1), is that like spanking the monkey? You people are obsessed. Oh my God, and 'Flash Gordon' (Wednesday 28, 2.45pm, ITV1). He struts through space in black leather shorts, are you making this stuff just for me? And look! The Queen! (Christmas Day, 3pm, BBC1, ITV1)
THE DOCTOR: Jack?
CAVI'AIN JACK: Yes I)( )ci or?
THE DOCTOR: You can shut up now.
CAPTAIN JACK: Yes Doctor. But can have a mince pie? Or d'you want me to walk properly?
THE DOCTOR: Fascinating. Rose, I've been studying the inhabitants of this mysterious island. The good-looking survivors of a plane crash are facing invisible monsters, incessant flashbacks, polar bears and a mysterious hatch buried in the jungle floor.
ROSE: No, Doctor, that's 'Lost' (Wednesday 28,10pm, C4).
THE DOCTOR: Ah. Right. So if I gave away the fact that these people are, in truth, part of a covert US government operation testing human stamina and accelerating low-level psychic abilities using technology developed from the Roswell crash, then that would really spoil a lot of faithful viewers' Christmases, yes? Rose? Rose?
DALEKS: Daleks conquer and destroy! Daleks conquer and destroy! Daleks conquer and destroy! Daleks will exterminate Weatherfield! ('Coronation Street', Christmas Day, 8pm, ITV1. Daleks will exterminate Walford! (EastEnders, Christmas Day, 9pm, BBC1). Daleks will exterminate the Woolpack! ('Emmerdale', Christmas Day, 6pm, ITV1). Daleks exterminate Erinsborough! (Neighbors, Tuesday 27, 1.25pm, BBC1). Daleks exterminate Chester! (Hollyoaks', Boxinig Day, 10.30am, C4).
THE HUMAN RACE: Oh, all right
THE DOCTOR: Rose! Look! A heinous genetic experiment has created a talking pig! It's like The Island Of I Doctor Morreau! On a farm! The creature's artificial cuteness is being inflicted upon the nation's children, making them helpless pawns in this obscene riot of DNA gone wrong.
ROSE: No, Doctor. That's 'Babe' (Tuesday 27, 11.35am, BBC1).
THE DOCTOR: Right. I see. Still, nice bit crackling.
ROSE: Why, thank you, Doctor. Oh, you mean the pig. Damn.
Disclaimer: These citations are created on-the-fly using primitive parsing techniques. You should double-check all citations. Send feedback to whovian@cuttingsarchive.org
- APA 6th ed.: (2005-12-21). The Timelord is our shepherd. Time Out London p. Time In, p. 4.
- MLA 7th ed.: "The Timelord is our shepherd." Time Out London [add city] 2005-12-21, Time In, p. 4. Print.
- Chicago 15th ed.: "The Timelord is our shepherd." Time Out London, edition, sec., 2005-12-21
- Turabian: "The Timelord is our shepherd." Time Out London, 2005-12-21, section, Time In, p. 4 edition.
- Wikipedia (this article): <ref>{{cite news| title=The Timelord is our shepherd | url=http://cuttingsarchive.org/index.php/The_Timelord_is_our_shepherd | work=Time Out London | pages=Time In, p. 4 | date=2005-12-21 | via=Doctor Who Cuttings Archive | accessdate=31 March 2025 }}</ref>
- Wikipedia (this page): <ref>{{cite web | title=The Timelord is our shepherd | url=http://cuttingsarchive.org/index.php/The_Timelord_is_our_shepherd | work=Doctor Who Cuttings Archive | accessdate=31 March 2025}}</ref>
